So many bounce houses so little time
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
