Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
