So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
