I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
