Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My balls are so social today.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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