wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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