I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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