guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
