I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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