You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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