Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
