Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
