my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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