There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You took a bar mat shot.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
