I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
