singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
