don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
