the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
