i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
