so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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