One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
