Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
