Someone shit on the floor
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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