Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
