So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
