Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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