Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
