may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
