Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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