Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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