I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
