I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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