Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
