Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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