Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
