I smell stomach acid.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
