Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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