i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize