i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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