Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
where are my pants?
in the oven.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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