"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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