I hate your face
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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