I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
