I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
