There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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