Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
