Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
