did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
