He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
