3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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