She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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