I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
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