I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Everything about him screamed your future.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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