yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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