Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
