Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
