Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
