No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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