he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
