sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
