yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
