i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
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She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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