i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
