so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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