Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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