Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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