oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Fuck appropriateness.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
being pregnant is like rehab
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
