At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
