Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
