i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
