I don't usually arrange sex via text message
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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