i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
