So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
