I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
