If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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