Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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