there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
