I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
