i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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