Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
