did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
