The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
